The previous link I posted for the Tensai Footballer is down so here is the new one.
Chera - Boy Wonder. (right
click - save as)
Edit: there was something wrong with the link so it was not working. I fixed it so you can try again.
No sex tonight?
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much.
And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.
I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says,
"I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits.
She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all.
She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.
Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT???!!!"
I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added,
"Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.
Did this ride from Pasir Ris to supposedly Boon Lay but I chickened out halfway.
Get it? I CHICKENED out halfway!
HAHAHAHAHA.
If you do, congratulations! Because there is no joke in the first place. Just delusions from having tried it in the first place. They say humour helps keep a reader interested, and I believe that after seeing my attempt at humour, you are probably hoping I don't do anymore.
Pictures are
here.
In the year 2005, the Lord came unto Noah,
"Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have six months to build the Ark before I start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights".
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard .... but no ark.
"Noah", He roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah. "But things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations.
We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision. Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I argued that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls. But no go!
When I started gathering the animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. As well, they argued the accommodation was too restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.
Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood. I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.
Also, the trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark building experience. To make matters worse, the government seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least ten years for me to finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.
Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean, You're not going to destroy the world?".
"No," said the Lord. "The government beat me to it."
Actually, I don't think RSS has an official definition though most people use Really Simple Syndication for it.
Anyway, I fixed the RSS feed link and it works now, supposedly. Put it in your favourtie News aggregator and you are set. Thunderbird has one. Firefox has it built in. My school's website supposedly has it, thought I still can't find it.
This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline. Needless to say, the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause."
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee with a caller:
Customer Support: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
CS: "What sort of trouble?"
C: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
CS: "Went away?"
C: "They disappeared."
CS: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
C: "Nothing."
CS: "Nothing?"
C: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
CS: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
C: "How do I tell?"
CS: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
C: "What's a sea-prompt?"
CS: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
C: "There isn't any cursor, I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
CS: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
C: "What's a monitor?"
CS: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
C: "I don't know."
CS: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
C: "Yes, I think so."
CS: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
C: ".......Yes, it is."
CS: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
C: "No."
CS: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
C: ".......Okay, here it is."
CS: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
"I can't reach."
CS: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
C: "No."
CS: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
C: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
CS: "Dark?"
C: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
CS: "Well, turn on the office light then."
C: "I can't."
CS: "No? Why not?"
C: "Because there's a power outage."
CS: "A power... A power outage? Ah, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
C: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
CS: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
C: "Really? Is it that bad?"
CS: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
C: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
CS: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."
An FA spokesman after the game absolved the linesman of any
responsibility for the apparently mistaken decision not to award a goal to Spurs
after a shot from the halfway line crossed the goal line by at least a meter. "The shot came in from an unusual distance and as such caught the
linesman out of position forcing him to race back towards the goal as the play
developed", explained the spokesman, "As he ran, the United scarf he
was wearing under his shirt came loose and fluttered up into his face
obscuring his view and preventing him from making the call. It was
just one of those things."
In response to further questions from the Press the spokesman
explained "If they don't already have a United tattoo most officials on game day
try to wear a scarf or a replica shirt under their regulation kit to show
their support for the worlds greatest club. The linesman in this case had
chosen to wear a United scarf, a common choice that is in keeping with FA
guidelines. The root cause of the problem lies not with the linesman
but with the players and management of Tottenham Hotspur Football Club who
broke one the most important unwritten rules of the English FA: They
placed a shot on target at Old Trafford. Martin Jol is new to this country and perhaps he s not yet familiar with some of our finer traditions. Fortunately if he doesn't yet understand that for the greater good of the game visiting teams, by tradition, are not expected to try to score at Old Trafford then our officials are in a position to help Mr Jol make that cultural adjustment."Chuckling to himself the FA spokesman added "The goal had to be disallowed to avoid us descending down a slippery slope that would be bad for the national game. It's a fine line the officials have to walk. If they award a goal this week, next week someone might expect a penalty or ask that Van Nistleroy be booked for diving. Can you imagine? That would just never do. No no no. Shocking, just the thought of it."
Taken from TalkLFC.com
Written by Red Shaolin Monk
Apparently the FA decreed the result invalid and had them replay the game yesterday. Here's the match report from MUFC.com:
"Manchester United put on a a stunning display today in a behind-closed-doors rematch ordered by the FA after Tuesdays debacle at Old Trafford.
The Super Reds went ahead just before the kick-off when Giggs was sent
away down the left wing. His cross was handled on the half way line by a Spurs defender and a penalty was awarded for this cynical foul. Paul Scholes stepped up to slot the ball home for United's 33rd penalty of the season. It was no more than United deserved.
The 15th minute saw the Super-Smashing Reds go two up after Michael
Carrick was penalised for coughing just outside the area. Christiano
Ronaldo's resultant free kick was slightly miss-hit, but even if the
keeper was not being pinned to the floor by Roy Keane, he would not have
saved it. 2-0. It was no more than United deserved.
The 21st minute saw more trouble for Spurs when Erik Edman was sent-off for enquiring about the referee's Man United shirt. However two minutes after the interval Spurs struck back after an amazing piece of good fortune. The referee's assistant could only parry Pedro Mendes' shot and Robbie Keane thumped the ball home. Confusion reigned for 10 minutes as the entire Manchester United squad surrounded the referee, arguing that the referee's assistant had been fouled 15 minutes earlier. Thereferee grudgingly had to give the goal even though he racked his brain for a reason to disallow it.
Alex Ferguson was furious and rushed down from his seat in the stand to
he dugout, knocking over a number of blind, disabled, pensioners in
wheel-chairs on the way down. Fortunately, things settled down again as
Paul Scholes took a long-range shot, which deflected off the corner flag
but had clearly crossed the line, 3-1. It was no more than United
deserved.
Just after the restart, un-sportsmanlike Nourredine Naybet was
dismissed for making ridiculous claims for a penalty after Roy Keane had
nearly decapitated Robbie Keane. The referee and his assistant missed
the incident as they were both asking Ryan Giggs for his autograph, but
replays showed that Keane's flying kung-fu kick, followed by a forearm
smash was clearly unintentional.
Ten minutes later Ferguson took off Giggs and replaced him with Alan
Smith, Eric Djemba Djemba and the suspended Wayne Rooney. Wonderful, wonderful Man United's 4th came shortly after. Robbie Keane was caught offside just outside the Spurs penalty area and Rooneys free-kick thundered in after deflecting off the underside of the flood lights. It was no more than United deserved.
The super, marvel, wonder Reds kept the pressure on until the bitter
end. In the 98th minute Ledley King conceded a free kick just outside
his own area for blatantly glancing at the referee. Ronaldo stepped up
and proceeded to chip the ball right into the referee's path and he made
no mistake from 10 yards. Goal number 5 and it was no more than United
deserved.
Scholes slotted home number 6 from the penalty spot after Gardner went
down with a broken leg. Fortunately Roy Keane was nearby when it
happened and, after running 50 yards, he was able to bring the incident
to the referee's attention. Unfazed by Gardner's cynical tactics,
protruding bone and spraying blood, the referee sent him off for diving
(and time wasting) and awarded United the penalty. Scholes cheekily
chipped the ball over the keeper and the crossbar, but the referee
decided that it was a goal, because based on past records, Scholes
rarely missed.
When the final whistle went after 33 minutes of injury time, Spurs
traipsed off with their heads low, having been taught a footballing
lesson by what is by far the greatest team the World has ever seen. As
the losers hit the showers, a superb flowing movement by United
culminated with a fine diving header by Alex Ferguson
and it was 7-1. However the referee decided that it was such a good
goal, it should count double.
8-1 then - and it was no more than United deserved.
Taken from TalkLFC.com. Written by Ste M.
Not very happy with what happened during the match, in which a perfectly legitamate goal was wrongly ruled as no goal. Obviously a lot of people are not happy with it as well and you start to see pictures such as this.
and this.
Couldn't resist it though.
J.R.R. Tolkien: Lord of the Rings. You are
entertaining and imaginative, creating whole
new worlds around yourself. Well loved, you
have a whole league of imitators, none of which
is quite as profound as you are. Stories and
songs give a spark of joy in the middle of your
eternal battle with the forces of evil.
Which literature classic are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
WOO~! I'M LOTR!
No links just changed the sidebar to distinguish blog links and normal links. If anyone wants their blog their post in the shoutbox.
Also added a song player. Kudos to Zave for it. I totally ripped the code from him. :D
Think my blog is also one of the few blogs out there that looks correct in Firefox only. It looks rather disgusting in IE.
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