Tuesday, December 28, 2004
Monday, December 27, 2004
Friday, December 24, 2004
Helpful Hints
1. If a small child is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down its throat and hey presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.
2. A mousetrap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from going back to sleep.
3. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
4. Keep the seat next to you on the train vacant by smiling and nodding at people as they walk up the aisle.
5. Weight watchers. Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at the chocolate bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the f***ing thing in the first place, you fat b*st*rds.
6. Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whisky. The following morning you can create the effects of a hangover by drinking a thimble full of washing up liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.
7. Recreate the fun of a visit to a public swimming pool in your own home by filling the bath with cold water, adding two bottles of bleach, then urinating into it, before jumping in.
8. Don't buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms, just buy an ordinary one and slip a handful of frozen peas inside it before you put it on.
9. X-Files fans. Create the effect of being abducted by aliens by drinking two bottles of vodka. You'll invariably wake up in a strange place the following morning; having had your memory mysteriously 'erased'.
10. Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand closer to what you want to look at.
11. Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the fishes' eyes bulge and cause them to swim in an amusing manner.
12. Save time when crossing a one-way street by only looking in the direction of oncoming traffic.
13. Thicken up runny low-fat yoghurt by stirring in a spoonful of lard.
14. Anorexics, when your knees become fatter than your legs, start eating cakes again.
15. A next door neighbour's car aerial, carefully folded, makes an ideal coat hanger in an emergency.
16. Hijackers. Avoid a long stressful siege and the risk of arrest, imprisonment or death by simply making sure you book a flight to your intended destination in the first place.
17. An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.
18. Olympic athletes. Disguise the fact that you've taken anabolic steroids by running a bit slower.
19. Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the loo seat by simply p*ssing in the sink.
20. Vegetarians coming to dinner? Simply serve them a nice bit of steak or veal. Since they're always going on about how tofu, Quorn, meat substitute etc 'tastes exactly like the real thing', they won't know any difference.
21. Invited by vegetarians for dinner? Point out that since you'd no doubt be made aware of their special dietary requirements, tell them about yours, and ask for a nice steak.
22. Spice up your sex life by trying a bit of 'rodeo sex '. Take your missus from behind and, holding on tightly to her jugs, call her by the wrong name. See how long you can 'stay mounted' for.
23. Before attempting to remove stubborn stains from a garment always circle the stain in permanent pen so that when you remove the garment from the washing machine you can easily locate the area of the stain and check that it has gone.
24. Have all your dumps at work. Not only will you save money on toilet paper, but you'll also be getting paid for it.
Thursday, December 23, 2004
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
You got mail! Actually it's me. But I was trying to be funny by using a common phrase so.. OH NEVER MIND.
I posted one tip on getting a bigger mail box with hotmail and it really works. Try it. I now have 250 MB for my hotmail account.
But there's more, I now have a Gmail account! Woo~! 1GB of unadulterated email storage space.
Try getting yours here.
You have to be patient as the invites get snapped up real quick. If I get any invites from Gmail, I'll post here so I can send them to who ever wants it.
Saturday, December 18, 2004
For all those sad Hotmail users out there
For the unlucky people amongst us stuck with the lousy 2 MB hotmail inbox, know that americans have 250 MB for some reason. So to get that as well, here's what to do;
1) Login Hotmail
2) Go to settings
3) click the PERSONAL tab
4) choose My Profile
5) change the country to United States, the state tho Florida and the zip code to 33332. To be sure, change the language to english and your age +21 and press ok and all.
6) now copy this link into the same window and go there
http://by17fd.bay17.hotmail.msn.com/cgi-bin/Accountclose
7) It will state all your mails will be deleted, but this is not the case. I still have all mine.
Click proceed each time and then log back in. You'll see your account size is now 25 MB, and it will soon be 250 MB.
Don't worry about the thing your account will be terminated. It is terminated, but it takes a while before it gets deleted, so you log back in, terminating the termination. And your mails still are there.
It worked. I have more space now. But I still want a Gmail account. Anyone has invites?
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
Update
Bunch of videos. Not for the broadband challenged.
Freak! I don't want to be nasty, but I really cannot think of any other way to describe him.
That DID NOT happen to me.
Caught red handed.
Sunday, December 12, 2004
Saturday, December 11, 2004
Great book
I'm currently reading this book called "God's Debris" by Scott Adams, creator of Dilbert. It's available in E-Book format as well as a physical copy so you probably should not have too much trouble finding a copy to read it. And it's really thought provoking read. It is probably worth a read. An excerpt from one chapter is below:
God's Free Will
"Does God have free will?" he asked.
"Obviously he does," I said. It was the most confidence I had felt so far in this conversation. "I'll admit there's some ambiguity about whether human beings have free will, but God is omnipotent. Being omnipotent means you can do anything you want. If God didn't have free will, he wouldn't be very omnipotent."
"Indeed. And being omnipotent, God must be able to peer into his own future, to view it in all it's perfect detail."
"Yeah, I know. You're going to say that if he sees his own future, then his choices are predetermined. Or, if he can't see the future, then he's not omnipotent."
"Omnipotence is tricker then it seems," he said.
It's actually a ficitional story about his thought experiment and proposes some very interesting theories. While I don't exactly agree with everything he says, it's a very interesting read none the less.
Daily dose of laughter.
Been too lazy to search for links so I'll just be lazy and talk nonsensical stuff. Found this on www.football-rumours.com :
manutd will not sign anymore overseas players after recent flops. they will most probably bid for premier league players.which are probably gravesen,nolan,gerrard(is not possible as we dont have cash only if gill plains to make another major signing).talking about strikers he will loan out saha for the rest of the season to st. german.and for defenders the likes are kompany or vanden borre.the ones out are kleberson,djemba-djemba,o'shea,fortune,poole,for a sum of 20 million altogether.likes of giggs will not be going. he told mutv directly that it is all speculation and he will be signing hes new contract in the summer.but if the gaffer and giggs cant negotiate,it will be a swap deal for downing plus 2 million on our side. believe me on this oneOMG. What is he doing there? I know he's good in FM2005 but this is ridiculous. He's barely 16. But it's the Scum so who cares...
Been doing some thinking.
Thinking about the next holidays and what I can do then. I was talking to a friend and he mentioned Work and Travel and I remember reading about it in the papers. I really want to take part in that. Anyone interested? We can do it together so it wouldn't be so alien.
Work and Travel USA
Friday, December 03, 2004
Which book?
PROBLEM: Two books are for sale... Which to buy?
"Titanic" or "My Life" by Bill Clinton?
Titanic: $ 29.99
Clinton: $ 29.99
Titanic: Over 3 hours to read
Clinton: Over 3 hours to read
Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe
Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe
Titanic: Jack is a starving artist
Clinton: Bill is a bull§§§§ artist
Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar
Clinton: Ditto for Bill
Titanic: During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined
Clinton: Ditto for Monica
Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit
Clinton: Let's not go there
Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry
Clinton: Monica's forced to return her gifts
Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life
Clinton: Clinton doesn't remember Jack
Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen
Clinton: Monica...ooh, let's not go there, either
Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death
Clinton: Bill goes home to Hillary....basically the same
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
Metaphors from actual GCSE essays, Allegedly
Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a tumble dryer.
She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open > again.
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
McMurphy fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a paper bag filled with vegetable soup.
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the centre
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left York at 6:36 p.m. travelling at 55 mph, the other from Peterborough at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the full stop after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
The red brick wall was the colour of a brick-red crayon.
Even in his last years, Grandpa had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.
The door had been forced, as forced as the dialogue during the interview portion of Family Fortunes.
Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
The plan was simple, like my brother Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a student on 31p-a-pint night.
He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter."
She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever seen before.
The knife was as sharp as the tone used by Glenda Jackson MP in her first several points of parliamentary procedure made to Robin Cook MP, Leader of the House of Commons, in the House Judiciary Committee hearings on the suspension of Keith Vaz MP.
The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a lamppost.
The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free cashpoint.
The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan set on medium.
It was a working class tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with their power tools.
He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a dustcart reversing.
She was as easy as the Daily Star crossword.
She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature British beef.
She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first-generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened.
It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
Things to ponder on
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
Life is sexually transmitted.
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who is the fool who said, "Quit while you're ahead?"
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred pounds and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty pence?
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Should have posted this in the CS2301 forum about political correctness...
READ FROM TOP TO BOTTOM: ----
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 4 November 2004
RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols …. please feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if the MD shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over £10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! The MD will make a special announcement at the Party.
Merry Christmas to you and your Family.
Pauline
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 5 November 2004
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognise that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party". The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Pauline
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 6 November 2004
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table … you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!!!
How am I supposed to handle this?
Somebody?
Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed now since the Union Officials feel that £10.00 is too much money and Management believe £10.00 is a little cheap.
NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Pauline
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 7 November 2004
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslin employees' beliefs, perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest to the toilets. Gays are allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men's table too. To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross dressing allowed. We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the food first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorrry!
Did I miss anything ?!?!?!?!
Pauline
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F****** Employees
DATE: 8 November 2004
RE: The F****** Holiday Party
Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your f****** salad bar, including organic tomatoes. But you know tomatoes have feelings too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW !! I hope you all have a rotten holiday,
The Bitch from HELL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FROM: John Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: 9 November 2004
RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy recovery and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, the Management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and instead give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December off with full pay.
Happy Holidays !
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
New stuff!
Been busy lately, busy getting new stuff. SITEX was amazing and extremely crowded but there were a number of bargains. I signed up for the Singnet 1500kbs ADSL plan so I'm really looking forward to the amount of anime that I can download soon.
Currently one episode would take around 2-3 hours, but with a errrr (1500 / 250 = 150/25 = 30/5 = 6) 6! times increase in speed, I'll download stuff in errr (2-3 / 6 = 2/6 - 3/6 = 1/3 - 1/2) 1/3-1/2! hours! Woot~! (Proud that I managed to do maths!)
There were free gifts that came with it including a copy of Half-Life 2 :
and a free Logitech MX510 mouse
On a side note, I just had to brag about Liverpool's win! Woot~!
Update!
Things you want to do in life
Cool and fun side scrolling shooter
Nice game + more if you explore the site
Not easy
On a side note, Liverpool 2 - 1 Arsenal! Woot~! Last minute stiker by Neil Mellor. I'm over the moon now.
Friday, November 26, 2004
More lame things - US vs UK
he Supreme Court of Florida has instructed me to post the following
to ensure strict balance in these turbulent times.
DECLARATION OF ANNEXATION OF THE UNITED KINGDOM AS PART OF THE USA
To the imperialist British colonizers.
In the light of your indecision over joining a common European Currency, your dissatisfaction with the European Union, your bickering with European Governments and the fact that you already almost speak our language and refuse to speak any other European languages, you are to be annexed as a State of America.
Your state code will be GB. Zip codes will be assigned to replace your old postal districts. The state capital will be Stratford-upon-Avon which is a lot prettier than London. Princess Diana will be declared a saint. You have already assimilated so much American culture that you are unlikely to notice the transition. To aid in the assimilation, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. Look up "aluminum" in any good American Dictionary. Check the spelling and pronunciation guide. We discovered it, we named it, and you are mispronouncing it. Learn to live with it. You are, of course welcome to your idiosyncratic and illogical place-names such as Edinburgh, if you wanted it pronounced 'Eddinburra' you have spelled it that way in the first place. And as for Lye-cester... You will quit using words such as "fortnight". The correct term is "a two week period". You will learn words such as "credenza", "intern" and "chad".
2. There is no such thing as "UK English". UK English is the relic of a defunct colonialist power which attempted to impose British English linguistic superiority on a nation which has a higher number of English speakers.
3. Your film-makers should learn to distinguish the American and Canadian accents. American accents are not limited to redneck drawls or New York accents. Mainland Americans have more than enough accents to cope with in our own country, so all British dramas will now bear subtitles, especially those made in impenetrable dialects such as Scottish, Scouse or Geordie. To make life easier for mainland America, all British films and TV programs must use American vocabulary and accents; Scotch characters will wear plaid, Irish characters will have shamrocks on them, Welsh characters will not be used since we don't have Welsh Americans, and English characters will wear bowler hats and pinstripes.
4. The British film industry will no longer portray all Americans as cowboys, rednecks, trailer trash or Beverly Hills billionaires. Hollywood will continue to use "Mockney" and "Posh" British accents as this makes it easier for viewers to identify which characters are British. You can have Hugh Grant back. He's a lousy actor and we don't want him either. All British films will be made in Hollywood where the weather and scenery are better. Your film industry is already unable to make a halfway-decent film which doesn't contain a American in the starring role. All American characters should be 'good guys'.
5. You will learn your new national anthem "The Star Spangled Banner". It shall be sung every morning at kindergarten, high school, university and your places of work. Your Union Flag will be hung up any damn way we wish so stop bitching about it being upside down. If there was meant to be a right way up you should have made it simpler. All Union flags will be replaced by the Stars and Stripes over a 12 month period of time.
6. You should stop playing soccer and rugby. There is no need to have two games, one of which is confusingly like Football and one of which is called football but patently isn't real football. If it doesn't require 45 pounds of padding, it isn't football. You should also stop playing cricket. Americans can't understand the rules. If you insist on playing this game which is only played by former British colonies, you will introduce a simplified scoring system, timeouts, colored strips and cheerleaders to make it more interesting. Any match which takes longer than 90 minutes will be declared a draw.
7. In films, as in real life, we decide who the bad guys are. The bad guys are those guys who don't do as we tell them. They are also the guys who attract the biggest audiences into movie theaters. You will cease using the word "cinema". They are "movie theaters". The snippets of forthcoming films are not "trailers" they are "teasers".
8. November 5th is no longer a day for fireworks. July 4th is the appropriate fireworks festival. If you want a big fireworks party on November 5th, we will help you to blow up your Houses of Parliament. You won't be needing them any longer; Disneyland London will be situated there. Hunting with packs of dogs is also banned. Instead, you will go hunting with a pick-up truck, some six-packs of beer, two coonhounds and enough guns and ammo to equip a private militia. There is also no such activity as "caravanning". It is properly called "camping". The thing boy scouts do with tents and bedrolls is called "tenting".
9. Roundabouts will be banned. What is the point of turning left in order to turn right? They are confusing to Americans and are death traps. You will start driving on the right with immediate effect. Most of the world drives on the right already. You will be allowed to turn right on a red light if safe to do so though you must check local county legislation as this is not permitted in all areas.
10. Those things which you call chips are cholesterol-soaked abominations. You will start to eat fries - light fluffy potato in crisp coating. If you want to eat British-style fried potato sticks you will need a certificate from your doctor and good medical insurance. Beer is to be served cold. The warm, flat drink you call beer is properly termed 'ale' and the FDA have determined it to be unfit for human consumption. You will also learn the difference between crackers, cookies and biscuits to avoid causing unnecessary confusion to mainland Americans.
11. All inter-personal communications between family members, even if resident in the same house, must be through a lawyer. It is compulsory to sue somebody at least once per year - be inventive. It is compulsory to have therapy three times each week and to recover false memories of your childhood which allow you to sue your parents and/or your therapist. Therapy will take the place of speaking to family members. You will be given compulsory courses on how to become dysfunctional. Name your children with surnames or after interesting medical conditions.
12. You will not have guns. In the eyes of Mainland Americans you are wayward children. Children are not permitted to play with firearms unless they have a legitimate reason to do so, i.e. they plan to gun down the entire population of a small town (self-defense) or slaughter every living creature within a mile radius (hunting).
13. We'll tell you who killed JFK when you apologize for "Teletubbies".
Thank you for your time. You can now return to watching bad Australian soap operas.
PS: Regarding WW2: You're Welcome.
Thank you for your co-operation. You will be assimilated.
16 THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN
16 THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN:
by Dave Barry, Nationally Syndicated Columnist
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. (I wish I had!)
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 21.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the
Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine . . . They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
FINAL THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2030, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
Thursday, November 25, 2004
OMG Long adventure game.
Do not play if you are supposed to be doing something better. Like studying..
Clicky
Wednesday, November 24, 2004
Update!
Funny how I seem to be posting more during an exam period. Bah.
World War 3!
Things not to do with you home.
How to cheat. Part Deux
Monday, November 22, 2004
Update.....................................AGAIN!
w00t more updates. Shows you how much time I'm putting into my studies.
MY EYES!!! UGH!
BOOBS. He said BOOBS! *snigger*
Sunday, November 21, 2004
Friday, November 19, 2004
Let's kick racism out of football.
I'm sure most of you who actually follow soccer have heard or read about the Spain-England match where there was blatant racism. For those who have no idea, there where monkey calls were made by the crowd when players like Cole and Wright-Phillips touched the ball.
Racism in any form should not be tolerated and should be stamped out. Cue "Let's Kick Racism Out Of Football" program.
Try to spread the word, put this logo on your website. Educate people about racism and why it's bad. Together we can help make this world a better place. (I can't believe I just typed that last sentence.. The corniness.. The steroetypicalness.. The ugh..)
Thursday, November 18, 2004
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
Update
A bit too deep for my taste.
Flash game.
More flash games
Even more flash games.
CV that just left me speachless
Note: Woot~! Eating sushi buffet tomorrow.
Sushi. Sushi.
Harikiri. Harikiri.
Friday, November 12, 2004
Thursday, November 11, 2004
Update!
Long time no update.... Been too busy with schoolwork to bother updating. But even schoolwork gets boring at times (er.. who am I kidding, schoolwork IS boring ALL the time.)
Learn English
The joys of webcams
Friday, November 05, 2004
Lame Joke
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her name badge that she is called Patricia Whack. "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a £10,000 loan to take holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's ok, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.... The frog says, "Sure. I have this" and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult the bank manager and disappears into the back office. She finds the manager and says,
"There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow £10,000 and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the pink elephant. "I mean what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks up at her and says "Its a knick-knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan, his old mans a rolling stone"
Monday, November 01, 2004
Thursday, October 21, 2004
Sunday, October 17, 2004
Thursday, October 14, 2004
Friday, October 08, 2004
Personality test
SPAM that I received from a certain someone who I shall not mention. You know who you are *cough*Neng*cough*Giin*cough*.
http://www.advisorteam.com/user/ktsintro.asp
http://quiz.ivillage.com/health/tests/pttphase1.htm
http://www.personalitytype.com/quiz.html
http://www.interconnections.co.uk/Market/PCFG/learn/lrntest.htm
http://www.haleonline.com/psych/
http://www.mtr-i.com/tt/t-articl/mb-simpl.htm
http://geocities.com/ptypes/temperament_test.html
http://www.dadamo.com/personality/ei.htm
http://www.goodstewardship.com/money2.htm
http://www.darionardi.com/temp_explore.html
Thursday, October 07, 2004
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
Stairways backwards
No.. not asking you to walk up the stairs backwards butlisten to it backwards.
I have know about this for quite some time, but the other songs did come as a surprise.
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
Joke
No updates. Instead here is a joke.
Answering Machine at the Mental Hospital...
"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline...
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4 , 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press, no one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 6969696969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number, date of birth, Social Security number and mother's maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y and c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.
If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep...
If you have short term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self esteem, hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.
Saturday, October 02, 2004
Update!
If you have read Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy (the best book EVER!) then you may want to try this game and give yourself a lot of grief.
AK-47 creator makes Vodka?
Side note: Hell week is over, but I still feel like shit.
Side note2: PoT 131 is out, but I finished watching it so it's withdrawal all over again.
Side note3: Chelsea vs Liverpool this Sunday. Hope we nick a point. I don't think we can win, no matter how much I want so.
Monday, September 27, 2004
Liverpool
Some people will wonder why I support Liverpool. Other then the fact that they are the most sucessful club in English football that is.
Most people, especially ManU and Arsenal fans will point to the fact that Liverpool has not won the EPL for ages and are a club in decline. But that is not why I support Liverpool. In fact I started supporting LFC right when they were down in the dumps. I'm not a glory hunter, I would be supporting Arsenal or ManU if I were.
In a forum that I frequent, TalkLFC.com, they had an interview with a journalist who managed to come up with this:
The "Liverpool Way" is a vague term. How would you define it? Does it still exist? If not, can Rafa instil it in the club once more?
In simple terms, it's pass and move, high quality, passionate football. But it's more than that. Maybe it's better to use examples. It's The Kop applauding Arsenal when they stole the championship in the last minute.
It's opening the Shankly Gates in April, 1989 and allowing the fans to mourn on The Kop. It's holding a Press conference when the manager has resigned, or been sacked. It's being universally respected as the template for everything good about the game. It's ensuring there is always a close relationship between the fans and the club, preserving a 'family' atmosphere.
Does it still exist? I think it's taken a few knocks, but as a principle
it will always remain.
And it kinds of sums up what I feel about LFC. There is also the phrase You'll Never Walk Alone, adopted by LFC in song to represent what we stand for. Telling a person, You'll Never Walk Alone, can be one of the most powerful messages you can send across. Call me sentimental, I don't care. I believe in what I want.
Walk On LFC!
Friday, September 24, 2004
Tuesday, September 21, 2004
Monday, September 20, 2004
Wednesday, September 15, 2004
Update again.
OMG 2 updates in a week? Wow.
Totally unbeliveable.
Subtitles own you.
Try getting out of yet another room.
Tuesday, September 14, 2004
Saturday, September 11, 2004
This actually is getting around..
This appeared awhile back in some Singaporean newspapers. I'm rather surprised that it's making the rounds in the Internet now, but abroad.
For those that don't know, it happened in AJC, and it was a planned shot(well, depends on who. The students planned it, the teacher was left in the dark.)
My friend who was the president of the photography club of the school at the time told me that when they realised that the photo turned out like that, they wanted to have it destroyed, but some joker saved it and plastered it all over the Internet.
Power of the Internet to you there.
Update
Sorry for the lack of updates. Been too lazy to get the links together.
Mindless flash helicopter game.
To prevent Raymond from going on a half-crazed mission to get the better score, I will not post mine here. =]
Funny Japanese game.
Minefield!
Next installment of the hard to get out rooms - The Blue Chamber!
Yeti Olymics - play games 1-5 and see your score.
Missing Tooth!
A while back, I was at my usual unicycle hockey session and guess what happened.
No prizes for accident!
Well, I got hit by a back swing from a hockey stick and my tooth cracked. I went to the A&E but to no avail as it was at night and the dentist wanted to sleep. (Ok maybe not, they are supposed to be professional after all.
On a subsequent visit to the dentist the next day, I was told that I had to get the whole thing pulled out, as the crack has affected the nerves already. Poor me. Below are the 2 photos of the end result. Sorry about poor quality, yellow teeth (I did not get to brush my teeth as it hurt too much), and bad breath...
I'm supposed to get my new fake tooth on Monday, will give more photos then.
...hhmmmmm.. no smilies for missing tooth.... bah!
Black and white photo of same mouth. 
Tuesday, August 31, 2004
Doing a Lynndie
Remember the women who pointed at Iraqi POW's? Well it's seems like it is beoming a phenomenon. Doing a Lynndie.
Sunday, August 29, 2004
Cool message board.
Shaped like a tree
It kinds of grows on you. And you can get it as a screen saver as well!
Friday, August 27, 2004
Champions League Draw.
Liverpool have been drawn in the same group as Deportivo, Monaco and Olympiakos. Hope we can get second in the group and qualify. Deportivo have too much recent experience to not top the group, but one can always hope. Monaco have lost most of their talent since last seasons impressive CL run. Guily, Rothen, Morientes, Prso, Ibarra have all left but they still have Deschamps as the manager. Only time will tell I guess.
Thursday, August 26, 2004
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
Can't get any work done?
Are you a slacker? Can't stop surfing the net long enough to do your work?
This is the answer!
Friday, August 20, 2004
50 (or so) things that you'll want to see next season.
* An explanation to be given for what that white stuff on Roman's chin actually is.
* As much as Mediawatch would disapprove, Harry Redknapp saying that he has a very big squad and is spoilt for choice, thank you very much.
* Jamie Carragher uttering a sentence that is comprehensible outside a 30-mile radius of Toxteth.
* Premiership managers to reveal exactly what it is that they scribble down in their notebooks during matches.
* David O'Leary predicting something other than 17th for Aston Villa.
* A Premiership footballer to openly admit he's gay.
* Paul Scholes to play for ManYoo like he did for England.
* A ban on outfield players wearing gloves during a football match to be issued.
* Sepp Blatter to be institutionalised.
* Ali Dia to be given a second chance.
* Emile Heskey to stay vertical for all of the 90 minutes. In every match.
* Football managers to accept that being sacked with their side either on the brink of relegation or actually relegated does not constitute a possible case of 'unfair dismissal'.
* Gordon Taylor to publicly accept that, even in extraordinary circumstances, footballers can do wrong.* Gordon Taylor to voluntarily take a wage cut.
* A Premiership referee admitting: 'Well, I didn't really see it, but there were 45,000 of them shouting. Can you blame me?'
* Every Man United player turning up for international friendly duty with a big 'Good luck' message from Fergie.
* Steven Gerrard replying to a question about Gerard Houllier with 'Thank f*** he's gone'.
* There to be no mention of either Celtic or Rangers (or, more likely, both) joining the English Premiership.
* Nancy Dell'Olio to start dating a Premiership manager, resulting in the new Italian stallion sitting in a directors' box throwing daggers at Sven during a match. That's real daggers, you realise.
* Joe Cole to play every game for Chelsea so it can finally be concluded if he's the real deal or not.
* Martin Tyler to swear live during commentary. We'll settle for 'bloody' but would prefer 'f**king.'
* Michael Owen to change his haircut after eight years (and possibly more).
* Sky Sports to put Quinton Fortune or Philip Neville on Player Cam rather than Ruud van Nistelrooy or Ryan Giggs.
* Ruud van Nistelrooy to score a goal from outside the penalty-area.
* Scott Parker to return to Charlton, admitting that being the key player for an up-and-coming club is a far more honourable undertaking than being a bit-part substitute for the richest club in the land.
* Jimmy Hill to stop carrying on the ridiculous pretence that his Sunday morning show on Sky is broadcast live from his kitchen table.
* Footballers to be fined £1000 every time they say "You know". Just imagine the fun it would be watching post-match interviews...
* All mention of Gazza enjoying some sort of ‘Boston tea party’ to be avoided.
* Linesmen to finally give the attacking side the benefit of the doubt.
* Clubs to stop the dubious practice of blocking loanees playing against them.
* Wes Brown to be classified as 'orange'.
* Gary Neville to officially endorse The Gary Neville Diaries
* Over the course of the 2004/05 season, fourth officials to have a 100% success rate when using their electronic board thingy.
* Each professional club to publish the full composition of their wage bill at the end of the season. Can it really be true that Everton pay Kevin Campbell and Duncan Ferguson £60,000- and £62,000-a-week respectively?
* Gary Neville to be sold by ManYoo to either Liverpool or Man Citeh.
* The introduction of Cesc Fabregas into the Arsenal team to inspire a new wave of mullets. The Daily Mail duly responds with a series of articles on 'where Britain has gone wrong'.
* Gilberto Silva passing the ball (successfully) forward.
* Graeme Souness saying: 'Well I can't blame the referee...Or Lady Luck.'
* Jeff Powell admitting that there is at least one man in the world who could do a better job as England manager than Terry Venables. Even if it's him.
* Clive Tyldesley getting through a whole game - any game - without mentioning 'that night in Barcelona'.
* No footballer being accused of rape, sexual assault or urinating in a public place.
* Emile Heskey winning the Golden Boot.
* The Sun putting a stop to all whisky-for-questions interviews with Brian Clough, Peter Osgood, Tommy Smith and Brian Robson.
* James Beattie admitting that he really isn't good enough for England and he's sorry he ever brought it up.
* Beautiful, single women to start going to lower-division football matches.
* Nicolas Anelka scoring, smiling, kissing the Manchester City badge and then raising his shirt to reveal a t-shirt with the words 'Blue Til I Die'. Somehow we think the 'smiling' part might be the most difficult part of that equation.
* David Beckham attempting any manoeuvre more difficult than leaning back, putting his arms out and swinging his right boot.
* The banning of the headlines 'Ruud Awakening', 'Shear Class' and anything involving 'Owen Goal'.
* Forget the mind games, Arsene Wenger and Sir Alex Ferguson actually coming to real-life blows. Naked. In mud.
* Alan Shearer giving Craig Bellamy a clip around the ear and telling him to 'behave'. And then confirming the incident actually happened.
* Fergie going on 'I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here'.
Sunday, August 15, 2004
Liverpool FC 1 - 1 Tottenham Hotspurs.
Well it played out to a draw, so I'm pretty depressed. Was really hoping for a win, but as it is, no team in the Premiership has a God given right to win every game. Even Arsenal did it last season because they were so darn good.
But still it was Spurs! (no offence Eugene =] ) They had been abmysal in pre-season! The first half performance was ok, but in the second half, the whole team just switched off. There was no link-up between the strikeforce and the midfield, Baros and Cisse both were out and out strikers and looked very issolated. I don't think that having Owen would have helped, but Anthony Le Tallec or Smicer would definately have helped.
Kudos to Defoe, he looked dangerous all evening, for scoring that goal. I look forward to the return trip at Anfield, where we probably would have gelled better, and get the result that I want.
YNWA.
Saturday, August 14, 2004
Friday, August 13, 2004
Thursday, August 12, 2004
Very good blog.
XiaXue's Blog.
I don't know her, but her post are pretty funny. I wouldn't be surprised if she did become a national phenomenon.
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
Update.
Cool time wasting game.
High score : 1045. Beat that Raymond!
Also I have finished reading "The Da Vinci Code" by Dan Brown. I can see why it has been at the top of some bestseller list for months now. It really is a good read and people should try to hunt it down. Note though, might be offending to Christians as some of the themes discussed in it are not exactly othordox. Also there were some errors in the book but if you really want to find out more do a google on it.
Sunday, August 08, 2004
OMG Fuxing Hax0r!
Check out this link to half-life 2 screen shots. And then view source.
Valve employees sure have some twisted humour.
Friday, August 06, 2004
Rant about Unicycles.
Now, I'm a unicyclist and I am pretty sick about people calling me a clown when I ride past them. While I have the utmost respect for clowns, as the things that they are able to do are amazing, I am not a clown! Do I where a clown suit with paint on my face riding around? I don't think so.
If you still think that unicycles are for clowns, take a look at this trailer (right click, save as.) While not every unicyclist is into extreme unicycling, neither are all unicylist clowns. I just hope that the next time you see a unicyclist riding past you, give him/her the respect that he/she undoubtably deserves. It is NOT easy to learn how to ride one, and even harder having to endure the amount or redicule that we constantly endure.
Sunday, August 01, 2004
Singapore Unicyclist Website Up!
At long last after timeless procastination, my friend has finally got the homepage up. Do go take a look.
Singapore Unicyclist
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
Monday, July 26, 2004
Ermm Command Line Interface Blog?
Very interesting blog.
It's just a bit wierd. Besides, why give up GUI for a command line interface? Using Linux does not mean having to limit yourself to a command line interface. In fact Linux is more about having a stable system that is open source as well. There is many a GUI Linux out there.
Sunday, July 25, 2004
Update!
Guess I really am starting to get real lazy. Not updating for a very long time.
But anyway, found more interesting things on the net and here are the links.
The things you can do with a pen and ALOT of talent.
Flick book on the screen.
Want one of theses?
On a side note, for people who use P2P, you should try out
Shareaza. Looks very good and I'm currently using it.
Also on Koptalk Forums, it seems we are going to have a BIG name Spanish signing next week. Not sure who it will be but Ronaldinho was been bandied around. It's so big there is apparently a 21 day injuction on the media to keep it under wraps.
Edit: The photos for my unicycling trip to P.Ubin is up. You can check it out at the unicycle gallery by following the link to the left.
Saturday, July 17, 2004
Got a new mouse.
Wee~! I finally got a new mouse. My old one was just some generic mouse will a ball. (hmm.. that didn't turn out right..)
Anyway my new one is an optical mouse from A4 tech. Hope it last me quite a while.
Friday, July 09, 2004
Update!
Sorry for not updating for so long. Could not find anything worthwhile to post. But anyway here it is.
Sesame Street!
Sometimes SPAM is a good thing because it teaches you how to spell and stuff about combinations.
How to spell Viagra.
Saturday, July 03, 2004
Friday, July 02, 2004
Tuesday, June 29, 2004
Sunday, June 27, 2004
Saturday, June 26, 2004
More photoshop goodness.
The people who make these photos are good.
On a side note, I'm going for a unicycle clinic later to teach some people how to ride a unicycle. Best part is, I get paid! Woo. Doing something you like is well and good. But getting paid for it is even better.
But the thing is, I do not know of anyone who actually managed to ride a unicycle within a few hours. Maybe a few days of constant practice, but a few hours? Think quite a number of people are going to get disappointed.
Friday, June 25, 2004
Monday, June 21, 2004
Tuesday, June 15, 2004
Some nice gifs.
These are some of the GIF's that I managed to trawl from the net. Enjoy.
Amazing Van der Vart goal.
Poor guy getting hit by his medic.
Dancing penguins.
All that for a door.
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