True Friendship

Are you tired of all those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound
good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series
of promises that really speaks to true friendship:

(1) When you are sad - I will help get you drunk and plot revenge
against the son of a bitch who made you sad.

(2) When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

(3) When you smile - I will smile, knowing you finally got laid.

(4) When you are scared - I will rag on you about it every chance I get.

(5) When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how
much worse it could be and to quit whining.

(6) When you are confused - I will use small words.

(7) When you are sick - I will stay the hell away from you until you are
well again. I don't want whatever you have!

(8) When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

This is my oath to you my friend, I pledge it till the end. Why, you may ask?
Because you are my friend.

Remember: A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will
help you move a body. Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel.

Shamelessly ripped from here

Who needs enemies when you have friends?