Casino

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Subject: FW: Casino to open up new opportunities


Subject: Casino to open up new opportunities
Date: Fri, 18 Mar 2005 09:35:41 +0800

Singapore's loan shark industry openly backed the proposal to build a
casino yesterday, saying it would contribute greatly to their growth.

Association of Hardship Loan Operators and Neighbourhood Gangsters (AHLONG)
spokesman Dr Chao Ah Beng told the Ministry of Finance today that the loan
shark industry would benefit tremendously from the setting up of a casino.
"We know the Gahmen say the casino will bring in tax revenue, lah, employ
eople lah, bring in money that is lost to Genting Highlands and casino
cruises, lah, all that sort of thing", said Dr Chao, "Many Singaporeans
make noise but then ah, they all dun realize that the casino will oso boost
many other industries, which is another good reason for setting it up."

To highlight his point, Dr Chao, who lectures in money-laundering and
grievous bodily harm at Hoot U, the Geylang-based tertiary institution for
bengs and lians, said the casino would enable the loan shark industry to
diversify and upgrade its existing line of products and services.
"Before ah, we lend people money to pay off their gambling debts", he
explained, "Now, with the casino, we can oso offer them high interest loans
to enable them to pay the entry fee to get into the casino in the first
place."

Dr Chao also predicted a rise in their traditional service of debt
recovery. "I would definitely invest in pork futures. With more
gamblers, it makes sense that there will be more debtors, and a
corresponding surge in demand for pig's heads. In fact ah, I believe oso
that there will be anuder option for racehorse owners who are looking to
get rid of their old horses ... sometimes ah, horse heads can be used too."


Dr Chao, who also pens an occasional advice column for Talking****.com,
also announced that Hoot U hopes to sign a memorandum of understanding with
the proposed casino. "The casino sure need bouncers to keep the riff-raff
out, ah lians to attract the high rollers, heavies to hoot cheaterbugs,
that sort of thing, and Hoot U is the region's premier producer for
manpower in these sectors. So we hope to establish an internship
on-the-job-training programme."

The spin-off benefits to other industries cannot be overlooked either, Dr
Chao went on. "There will be an increase in the demand for medical and
hospital care ... people with broken arms or legs, noses .. faces
even. In fact I will even say the undertaking industry will see potential
high growth too. There will be a need for psychiatrists and counsellors
... even physiotherapists, to treat tired arms from pulling on jackpot
machines, or rolling dice and so on. The Singapore Tourism Board will
finally be able to justify its existence - poor thing, so many years, kena
condemned as waste of taxpayers money, because will have more visitors to
Singapore. I can say, ah, that even the gahmen agencies and ministries,
like MoM, ICA and the police force will see increased employment
opportunities, with more cases of illegal overstaying, vice and crime.
There will be more work for all Singaporeans!! Ahya ... the list can be
endless!!!"

In other casino-related news, legendary Las Vegas casino operator Harrah's
has understood to be be changing its name to "Harry's" in order to improve
its bidding prospects for the Singapore project. The operator believes the
change in name will bring about a stronger identification for Singaporeans.
A spokesman, who declined to be named, said, "Despite the
controversies, we hope this will remind all Singaporeans of the legacy
behind the advent of casinos here."